Kan-o-sushi wrote:

The Key To Happiness by Sarah Tonin

(Btw, I just came up with that someone's probably beat me to it though lol)

She's in prison you know, people have been protesting with piket signes that say Free Sarah Tonin and Let Sarah Tonin Go

I feel inadequate when talking with a mechanic, so when my vehicle
started making a strange noise, I sought help from a friend. A car
nut, he told me how to explain the difficulty when I took it in for repair.

At the shop, I proudly recited, "The timing is off, and there are
premature detonations, which may damage the valves."

As I smugly glanced over the mechanic's shoulder, I saw him write on
his clipboard, "Lady says it makes a funny noise."

Gorlim (OMW) wrote:

oldschooldoom wrote:

Here's a groaner:

Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married.

The ceremony wasn't much,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,but the reception was excellent.

Actually lol'd at that one.

pinkRenne wrote:

Theonymic wrote:

777 wrote:

What do you get when you play country music backwards?
You get your house back, your car back, your wife back, your dog back...it can go on and on.

This one never made much sense to me.

Contry music is depressing, normally the guy talks about how he lost his house, his car, his wife and oh hey! his dog too... so when he rewinds the song he gets all those things back.

get it?:0

I've been listening to country for most of my life, and have never heard anyone talking about losing his dog, house, car, and rarely the wife. :/

Theonymic wrote:

pinkRenne wrote:

Theonymic wrote:

777 wrote:

What do you get when you play country music backwards?
You get your house back, your car back, your wife back, your dog back...it can go on and on.

This one never made much sense to me.

Contry music is depressing, normally the guy talks about how he lost his house, his car, his wife and oh hey! his dog too... so when he rewinds the song he gets all those things back.

get it?:0

I've been listening to country for most of my life, and have never heard anyone talking about losing his dog, house, car, and rarely the wife. :/

usuallyy the mind is the first thing to go....explains why you cannot recall hearing any of the above mentioned things happening. LOL

Theonymic wrote:

pinkRenne wrote:

Theonymic wrote:

777 wrote:

What do you get when you play country music backwards?
You get your house back, your car back, your wife back, your dog back...it can go on and on.

This one never made much sense to me.

Contry music is depressing, normally the guy talks about how he lost his house, his car, his wife and oh hey! his dog too... so when he rewinds the song he gets all those things back.

get it?:0

I've been listening to country for most of my life, and have never heard anyone talking about losing his dog, house, car, and rarely the wife. :/

I used to hear songs like that all the time when I was in the car with my dad.

NorthernAsh wrote:

Theonymic wrote:

pinkRenne wrote:

Theonymic wrote:

777 wrote:

What do you get when you play country music backwards?
You get your house back, your car back, your wife back, your dog back...it can go on and on.

This one never made much sense to me.

Contry music is depressing, normally the guy talks about how he lost his house, his car, his wife and oh hey! his dog too... so when he rewinds the song he gets all those things back.

get it?:0

I've been listening to country for most of my life, and have never heard anyone talking about losing his dog, house, car, and rarely the wife. :/

usuallyy the mind is the first thing to go....explains why you cannot recall hearing any of the above mentioned things happening. LOL

I'm only 22
And Pink, no clue what you were listening to. Unless by "all the time" you mean "I wasn't paying attention except when I heard an occasionally depressive lyric."

Nope I listened, because I would lol at the lyrics the whole time cause it sucked so bad.

Like I said, no clue what you were listening to.
Anyway, back to the jokes.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running from the law. They come to a train at rest on the track and hide in one of the cars among numerous crates. The cops begin searching the train, and one enters that car. He begins to poke around and kick some of the crates. He kicks the crate in which the brunette is hiding. "Cluck, cluck, bu-GAWK!" she says. Believing it's just a crate full of chickens, the cop proceeds to the next crate, in which the redhead is hiding. He taps on it with his nightstick. "Quack, quack!" she says. He is fooled once more and moves to the crate in which the blonde is hiding. He kicks it. "Potatoes," she says.

lol

oldschooldoom wrote:

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running from the law. They come to a train at rest on the track and hide in one of the cars among numerous crates. The cops begin searching the train, and one enters that car. He begins to poke around and kick some of the crates. He kicks the crate in which the brunette is hiding. "Cluck, cluck, bu-GAWK!" she says. Believing it's just a crate full of chickens, the cop proceeds to the next crate, in which the redhead is hiding. He taps on it with his nightstick. "Quack, quack!" she says. He is fooled once more and moves to the crate in which the blonde is hiding. He kicks it. "Potatoes," she says.

That one was pretty good for a blonde joke.

^ Imagine the hilarity in my house. Married to a blond, with a blond daughter, and now a blond dog. Never a dull moment. Especially with that silly dog named Tilly.

pinkRenne wrote:

oldschooldoom wrote:

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running from the law. They come to a train at rest on the track and hide in one of the cars among numerous crates. The cops begin searching the train, and one enters that car. He begins to poke around and kick some of the crates. He kicks the crate in which the brunette is hiding. "Cluck, cluck, bu-GAWK!" she says. Believing it's just a crate full of chickens, the cop proceeds to the next crate, in which the redhead is hiding. He taps on it with his nightstick. "Quack, quack!" she says. He is fooled once more and moves to the crate in which the blonde is hiding. He kicks it. "Potatoes," she says.

That one was pretty good for a blonde joke.

Never mind that he stole it from me.

Theonymic wrote:

pinkRenne wrote:

oldschooldoom wrote:

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running from the law. They come to a train at rest on the track and hide in one of the cars among numerous crates. The cops begin searching the train, and one enters that car. He begins to poke around and kick some of the crates. He kicks the crate in which the brunette is hiding. "Cluck, cluck, bu-GAWK!" she says. Believing it's just a crate full of chickens, the cop proceeds to the next crate, in which the redhead is hiding. He taps on it with his nightstick. "Quack, quack!" she says. He is fooled once more and moves to the crate in which the blonde is hiding. He kicks it. "Potatoes," she says.

That one was pretty good for a blonde joke.

Never mind that he stole it from me.

wat

It's an old joke anyways

Did that blond joke come from here already? Now I am starting to get confused. So many jokes so little time. Here's another, hopefully I didn't share it already??????
=========================================================
I feel inadequate when talking with a mechanic, so when my vehicle
started making a strange noise, I sought help from a friend. A car
nut, he told me how to explain the difficulty when I took it in for repair.

At the shop, I proudly recited, "The timing is off, and there are
premature detonations, which may damage the valves."

As I smugly glanced over the mechanic's shoulder, I saw him write on
his clipboard, "Lady says it makes a funny noise."

The guys were all at a deer camp.
No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly.They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.They said, "Man, what happened to you?"He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."

The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing--hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!" He said, 'Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."

The third night was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy; a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it. They said, "Man, what happened?" He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night...

Bob sat up and watched me all night."

^ I love that old classic. Here is another:
==========================

A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before
Thanksgiving and says, 'I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that
your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.
'Pop, what are you talking about?' the son screams.

We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' the father says. 'We're sick
of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your
sister in Chicago and tell her.
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
'Like heck they're getting divorced,' she shouts, 'I'll take
care of this,'
She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, 'You
are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there.
I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then,
don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?' and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Okay,'
he says,'they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way.'

I have a joke to tell, but it might be too racially insensitive (more toward an attitude that some hold about a particular than the group itself).

problem with that joke,daryl oh brotha in faith!! how many folks have atcually did that and the kids fly across country and talk them out of it??? could happen lol!

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, and dry cleaners depressed?

Laundry workers could decrease, eventually becoming depressed and depleted! Even more, bedmakers will be debunked, baseball players will be debased, bulldozer operators will be degraded, organ donors will be delivered, software engineers will be detested, the BVD company will be debriefed, and even musical composers will eventually decompose.

On a more positive note, though, perhaps we can hope politicians will be devoted.

While my husband was stationed overseas, our four-year-old daughter
decided that she needed a baby brother.

"Good idea," I told her. "But don't you think we should wait until
your father's home?"

She had a better idea. "Why don't we just surprise him?"

oldschooldoom wrote:

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, and dry cleaners depressed?

Laundry workers could decrease, eventually becoming depressed and depleted! Even more, bedmakers will be debunked, baseball players will be debased, bulldozer operators will be degraded, organ donors will be delivered, software engineers will be detested, the BVD company will be debriefed, and even musical composers will eventually decompose.

On a more positive note, though, perhaps we can hope politicians will be devoted.

The models can also be reposed, and electricians refused.

On a beautiful summer's day, a father and his eight-year-old son were
lying on the grass by the riverbank, looking up at the sky and
watching the wisps of cloud float gently overhead.

After a few minutes of silence, the boy turned to the father and
asked, "Dad, why are we here?"

"That's a good question, Son. I think we're here to enjoy days such
as this, to experience nature in all its glory, the vastness of the
sky, the beauty of the trees, the song of the birds, the rippling
flow of the water. We're here to help make the world a better place,
to pass on our wisdom to future generations who will hopefully profit
from our achievements and learn from our mistakes. We're here to
savor the small triumphs of life - passing your school exams, the
birth of a new member of the family, promotion at work, a win for the
home team! And we're here to comfort those dearest to us in times of
distress, to provide kindness and compassion, support and strength,
to let them know that, no matter how bad a situation may seem, they
are not alone. Does that answer your question, Son?"

"Not really, Dad."

"No?"

"No, what I meant was, why are we here when Mom said to pick her up
forty minutes ago?"