Got a joke post it here!


I got a couple:

Q: Why did the tomato go out with the prune.


A: because he couldn't find a date




Q: How do you fix a pizza


A: With tomato paste

Q: What is the worst part about a funeral on monday?














A: The Mourning

How do some of the worst riddles end?










with 'mourning, date or tomato paste'

Kiddie joke: Q: What's a seamonster's favourite food?




A: Fish and ships.

haha I actually laughed at that

Kan-o-sushi wrote:

Q: What is the worst part about a funeral on monday?














A: The Mourning

So a plane is going down, the only way tyo save it is to drop soem luggage. So a preacher drops a bible, a teacher drops an apple, and a soldier drops a bomb. The plane lands. Later on in the day the preacher sees a little boy crying. He says "Little boy, little boy why are you crying?". The little boy replies "I was just sitting here minding my own business and a bible hit me on the head". The preacher apologizes. The teacher then sees a little girl crying. She says "Little girl, little girl why are you crying". The little girl replies "I was jsut sitting here mindind my own business, and an apple hit me on the head." The teahcer apologizes. Then the soldier sees a 10 year old boy craxcking up. The soldier asks "Why are you laughing son". The boy replies "I was jsut sitting herem inding my own business, and then i farted, and my school behind me blew up!"

What stays in bed most of the day and sometimes go to the bank?
A stream.

The maker doesn't want it.
The buyer doesn't use it.
And the user doesn't see it.
What is it?
A coffin.

In a tunnel of darkness lies a beast of iron. It can only attack when pulled back.
What is it?
A bullet in a revolver

The more you have of it, the less you see. What is it?
Darkness

What gets whiter the dirtier that it gets?
A chalkboard

How many bricks does it take to complete a building made of brick?
Only one, the last one.

What's the greatest worldwide use of cowhide?
To cover cows.

You heard me before, yet you hear me again. Then I die, 'til you call me again. What am I?
An echo

How many times can you subtract the number 5 from 25?
Once, because after you subtract it's not 25 anymore.

What is harder to catch the faster you run?
Your breath!

What do some men have they don't want, but would not part it for a million dollars?
A bald head.

A boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again.
The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The father [never having seen an elevator] responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room.
The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your mother."

A buncch of ugly old men are on a bus, and one opens his can of pop, and a fgeneie magically pops out, and grants everyone on the bus a wish. The first man wishes taht he could be good-looking. SO te genie does jsut that. Seeing this the rest of teh men start to ask for teh same thing. Soon enough, there is a bus full of good-looking guys, when it gets to the last man, teh genie asks him "Do you want to be good-looking as well" and he goes"no i wish tehy were all ugly again!"

Did you hear about the new microwave the Germans have invented?














It seats 12.


...

For my Texas friends

There are 2 cowboys in the kitchen which 1 is the real cowboy?











The one on the range

A preist and a rabbi go to a strip club. Members of their congregation see them entering the club, and they lose respect and eventally their jobs

Kamerad Ash wrote:

Did you hear about the new microwave the Germans have invented?














It seats 12.


...

lol, just lol

Kamerad Ash wrote:

Did you hear about the new microwave the Germans have invented?






It seats 12.


...

that's so horrible yet so funny.

Riverrat wrote:

What's the greatest worldwide use of cowhide?
To cover cows.

How many times can you subtract the number 5 from 25?
Once, because after you subtract it's not 25 anymore.

what do u call a fish with no eyes?








a fsh

sedona wrote:

Riverrat wrote:

What's the greatest worldwide use of cowhide?
To cover cows.

How many times can you subtract the number 5 from 25?
Once, because after you subtract it's not 25 anymore.

LOL

Q) Why did Kernal Sanders never reveale his secreat herbs and spices?









A) He was ashamed of them

What do you call 2 banana peels?












A. A pair of Slippers

2 snowman are standing in a field. 1 says to the other, "Funny, I smell carrots 2!"

oldschooldoom wrote:

what do u call a fish with no eyes?








a fsh

What do you call a fly without wings?













A walk.

Sutekh wrote:

oldschooldoom wrote:

what do u call a fish with no eyes?








a fsh

What do you call a fly without wings?













A walk.

I used to know someone who whoud cach flies and pull ther wing out just so ther coud be a such thing as walks

Kamerad Ash wrote:

Did you hear about the new microwave the Germans have invented?














It seats 12.


...