I would appreciate some prayer for me, my girlfriend and our relationship right now please.

She has been having some difficulties right now and it's affecting our relationship too. She has been withdrawing from people lately, and she basically does not want to think about anything or feel. For example, she is seeing a therapist and I asked if she thinks it's helping or not and she said she doesn't know, "i just go". It's like she is just existing right now hollow like a shell. She tries to keep busy so that she does not have to feel or think because it is easier not to feel anything... even good feelings.

Last night we were doing our bible study and something she read out of the study book that we were reading upset her so she just said something about it and then logged off. I sent her a text asking for her to come back on and talk about it but she didn't really feel like it and she said she is sorry that we are having trouble right now.

I don't know what to do to help her and I don't really think that I can. I will not explain what has caused all of this because of the trust she put in me when telling me. I am going to talk to her tonight if she is willing. It may be a good idea to take a break from each other for the time being until she starts to get better unless it's better for her if we don't... I'm one of the few people she can talk to about things and trusts... she has needed me to be there in the past to rely on and help her. These past two weeks things suddenly started to get worse after a session with her therapist. I don't know if it is a good idea or not to take a break, so I don't know what to do. I don't really want to do that either unless it is going to help her, but there isn't really a way to know that... Anyways, I'll try and talk to her tonight about how she is feeling and everything.

Please pray for guidance for me and her, wisdom, strength for me and her, strength for me to be strong in prayer and hope about all of this, for God to help her through what she is dealing with, and that things will begin to get better for her. Above all, pray that God's will be done in all of this. I love her and I am really worried that I'm going to lose her somehow or that things are going to keep going downhill and not get better. It's my deepest hope and prayer that will not be the case.

Thank you, brothers and sisters.

I'll definitely be praying for you two.

Thank you jeff

I'll be praying for you Davis. It seems all that you can do for her is be there for her and let her know that you are there.

Kan-o-sushi wrote:

I don't know what to do to help her and I don't really think that I can.

Odds are you're right. Just be there, and listen to her.

Quote :

I don't know if it is a good idea or not to take a break,.

I would suggest against that, unless she suggests it with GOOD reasons. Don't bring it up yourself, unless you actually want to leave her, as it will just make her think that something else is going wrong in her life, and reinforce her withdrawal behaviour.

Thanks for the advice Rowland, and Riverratt.

I don't want to leave her, and the break idea would only be a temporary thing. But I think you are correct Rowland, I'm not going to bring it up unless she does. Besides that, I don't really want to do that unless she thinks we should. So, if she brings it up then we will talk about it, otherwise I'll just do what I can to be there for her.

IronGuardian wrote:

Quote :

I don't know if it is a good idea or not to take a break,.

I would suggest against that, unless she suggests it with GOOD reasons. Don't bring it up yourself, unless you actually want to leave her, as it will just make her think that something else is going wrong in her life, and reinforce her withdrawal behaviour.

That's an ugly responsibility. I pray that God gets a good Christian woman involved in her life, and I recommend you do the same bro. It is not good to be needed by a girlfriend like that. It's bad. Avoid any similar relationship in the future.

Is this a long distant thing?

I would advise staying close to her if you do take a break. If/when she does decide to to open up more about things she will need someone she trusts to open up to. Be there if she chooses you. I would also say NOT to pressure her to talk, she will when she is ready.

It is not necessarily true that that is what she will think, be careful throwing around absolutes. Only the two involved in the relationship know whether or not it is a good idea for them to split for any amount of time. Do it if it is what is best for the relationship and what God wants for your relationship.

Other than that, pray for her and be there. And be open to God's will for your relationship with her.

FireProphet wrote:

That's an ugly responsibility. I pray that God gets a good Christian woman involved in her life, and I recommend you do the same bro. It is not good to be needed by a girlfriend like that. It's bad. Avoid any similar relationship in the future.

The reason all of this happened occurred during the relationship - its not like there was anything for me to avoid. I am committed to her and I would not drop out of the relationship just because things got like this.

Further, I realize this is a difficult responsibility. I love her though, and I'm one of the few she will open up to (especially now that she is wanting to withdraw from things) so I will do my best to be there for her. She doesn't solely rely on me and "need" me all the time. It isn't that kind of relationship, but there are times when she does need my support.

FireProphet wrote:

Is this a long distant thing?

Yes.

Thank you for your prayers as well

sad to hear...

I'll be praying!

Ah tough stuff man, its awesome you care so much for sure.

I think it is wise to be careful and prayerful about this.... it sounds like she needs a friend rather than a boyfriend right now.... the thing is you can get to a point where you care too much and your relationship becomes focused on her mental and emotional health- case of martyr syndrome- love someone alot and become immersed with their wellness, rather than building a healthy Christ centred relationship.

Pray for her yep, but you can seperate yourself from a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, without having to tell her outright. Friendship is something easier to handle when you are battling these kinds of issues- speaking from someone with similar experiences from both sides( once long distance relationship with depressed person, and then as a depressed person)

You need to be wise and mindful about what is best for you also. There is a limit to what you can do when you are in a long distance relationship.

May God lead you and I pray for you both.

FireProphet wrote:

IronGuardian wrote:

Quote :

I don't know if it is a good idea or not to take a break,.

I would suggest against that, unless she suggests it with GOOD reasons. Don't bring it up yourself, unless you actually want to leave her, as it will just make her think that something else is going wrong in her life, and reinforce her withdrawal behaviour.

That's an ugly responsibility. I pray that God gets a good Christian woman involved in her life, and I recommend you do the same bro. It is not good to be needed by a girlfriend like that. It's bad. Avoid any similar relationship in the future.

Is this a long distant thing?

I agree with the above, and I was wondering the same.

Everyone who was on FS knows my opinion of long distance relationships.
That being said, I still prayed for you (kan) and your gf.

But seriously.... Looking at this, your girlfriend depending so much on you considering the long-distance is like speeding up on the highway at 130 m/ph with both eyes closed.

Don't get your feelings involved in a long distance relationship. DON'T. EVER.
Now you've got your feet stuck in this reaaalllly messy relationship. I pray that God certainly helps you make the better choices. The choices that will make you move forward, and look for better, while also hurting people as less as possible.

In all honesty bro, don't take this in a bad way. I've been through that, I know what it is. I know how it works. And this, obviously, doesn't work.

edit: I realize your girlfriend doesnt depend so heavily on you, but even depending a little bit on someone far away is never a good thing.

Hero wrote:

I agree with the above, and I was wondering the same.

Everyone who was on FS knows my opinion of long distance relationships.
That being said, I still prayed for you (kan) and your gf.

But seriously.... Looking at this, your girlfriend depending so much on you considering the long-distance is like speeding up on the highway at 130 m/ph with both eyes closed.

Don't get your feelings involved in a long distance relationship. DON'T. EVER.
Now you've got your feet stuck in this reaaalllly messy relationship. I pray that God certainly helps you make the better choices. The choices that will make you move forward, and look for better, while also hurting people as less as possible.

In all honesty bro, don't take this in a bad way. I've been through that, I know what it is. I know how it works. And this, obviously, doesn't work.

What we are experiencing now has nothing to do with the fact that it is a long distance relationship so I don't know why you are dragging your opinion about those types of relationships into this because it's fairly irrelevant. First, I agree with FireProphet's post regarding the "neediness" aspect of his post, but it doesn't particularly apply to our relationship. While I am there to support her and help her when she needs it, she isn't 100% dependent on me during difficult times. Like I said, she has mostly been isolating and withdrawing recently, and that includes isolating from me. She is not relying on me 100%, but I know that if and when she does need some support I will be there for her. I ask, what is wrong with supporting someone you love when they need support from those they love? I don't know where the misconception that this is a needy relationship came from.

As well, how dare you assert that I "look for better"? She is the girl that I love. The fact that it is a long distance relationship does not change this. She is the one that I love and want to be with, and if I changed that because we are struggling due to something that happened in her life that would make me the most unloving and selfish guy on earth. We have been through plenty in the past, and while this may be a "messy relationship" at the moment, my hope is that things will get better. My feelings were involved in this relationship long before it got "messy". Again, the fact we are struggling now has nothing to do with the fact it is a long-distance relationship and if you knew what caused all this, I assure you, you would not have posted those things in your previous post.

I appreciate your prayers, but I do not appreciate your advice on how I need to "look for better".

therockismighty wrote:

Ah tough stuff man, its awesome you care so much for sure.

I think it is wise to be careful and prayerful about this.... it sounds like she needs a friend rather than a boyfriend right now.... the thing is you can get to a point where you care too much and your relationship becomes focused on her mental and emotional health- case of martyr syndrome- love someone alot and become immersed with their wellness, rather than building a healthy Christ centred relationship.

Pray for her yep, but you can seperate yourself from a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, without having to tell her outright. Friendship is something easier to handle when you are battling these kinds of issues- speaking from someone with similar experiences from both sides( once long distance relationship with depressed person, and then as a depressed person)

You need to be wise and mindful about what is best for you also. There is a limit to what you can do when you are in a long distance relationship.

May God lead you and I pray for you both.

Thank you for your prayers and your advice... You might be right about the friendship thing... I will try my best to approach all of this prayerfully and trust in God about all of this... I want to try my best to build a Christ centered relationship, and that was doing well especially the past while before the last two weeks or so... I hope things will begin to get better again in time.

Hero wrote:

edit: I realize your girlfriend doesnt depend so heavily on you, but even depending a little bit on someone far away is never a good thing.

This was edited in after I had began my reply to your post, so I did not see it. I am happy you realize she isn't depending on me as heavily as you thought.

Kan-o-sushi wrote:

Hero wrote:

I agree with the above, and I was wondering the same.

Everyone who was on FS knows my opinion of long distance relationships.
That being said, I still prayed for you (kan) and your gf.

But seriously.... Looking at this, your girlfriend depending so much on you considering the long-distance is like speeding up on the highway at 130 m/ph with both eyes closed.

Don't get your feelings involved in a long distance relationship. DON'T. EVER.
Now you've got your feet stuck in this reaaalllly messy relationship. I pray that God certainly helps you make the better choices. The choices that will make you move forward, and look for better, while also hurting people as less as possible.

In all honesty bro, don't take this in a bad way. I've been through that, I know what it is. I know how it works. And this, obviously, doesn't work.

What we are experiencing now has nothing to do with the fact that it is a long distance relationship so I don't know why you are dragging your opinion about those types of relationships into this because it's fairly irrelevant. First, I agree with FireProphet's post regarding the "neediness" aspect of his post, but it doesn't particularly apply to our relationship. While I am there to support her and help her when she needs it, she isn't 100% dependent on me during difficult times. Like I said, she has mostly been isolating and withdrawing recently, and that includes isolating from me. She is not relying on me 100%, but I know that if and when she does need some support I will be there for her. I ask, what is wrong with supporting someone you love when they need support from those they love? I don't know where the misconception that this is a needy relationship came from.

As well, how dare you assert that I "look for better"? She is the girl that I love. The fact that it is a long distance relationship does not change this. She is the one that I love and want to be with, and if I changed that because we are struggling due to something that happened in her life that would make me the most unloving and selfish guy on earth. We have been through plenty in the past, and while this may be a "messy relationship" at the moment, my hope is that things will get better. My feelings were involved in this relationship long before it got "messy". Again, the fact we are struggling now has nothing to do with the fact it is a long-distance relationship and if you knew what caused all this, I assure you, you would not have posted those things in your previous post.

I appreciate your prayers, but I do not appreciate your advice on how I need to "look for better".

Well, I am sorry I got you sort of mad about what I said. However, I think you and i can agree that man and woman were created to be together. Together, as in, mentally, sharing the same thoughts on things, emotionally, and physically. A long distance relationship is heavily handicapped when compared to (excuse the term) the "real" thing. Why? Because our body speaks. When we talk to each other, you can feel and see how someone feels, etc. things that you can't when you're just chatting. This is why it is so easy to keep a fantasy going (not saying it is your case) in long distance relationships.

Now, I am aware you really don't give a thing about my opinion on this. Even though I'm older than you and that I've had more than one of those relationships. But there is one thing I know. For one, it was better for me when my girlfriend and I could actually see each other on a weekly basis. It also is better for me to be alone right now, than to be with someone far away.

You don't have to agree with me. But consider what I said. I've been through it.

I haven't heard from her since three nights ago, when she got upset during our bible study. I hope that she's alright... I don't know what to do right now. I think I might just wait a while and hopefully I'll hear from her again. She might just be staying away from me for now, I might just need to wait until she is ready to talk to me again. I haven't got any replies to my text messages so I'm guessing that her phone is off. I wish she would have told me if she wanted some time alone or something... Ugh... this all sucks I hate when I don't know whats going on.

Yeah it sucks to not know what's happening. The best thing to do is leave it up to God to handle things for you.

I'll be praying, Davis.

Thank you Cesar

praying mate.

Thank you, it means a lot.

I mainly agree with Fireprophet, I was in a similar relationship at one point (although not long distance) and in the end it drained me so much (it all started in a similar way and ended up with her always having to depend on me, because I seemed to be the only one she really could depend on), that I wasn't myself anymore.
I soo wanted to help her, but I turned myself into a zombie that way.

Watch out bro, really.
Love can be a DANGEROUS thing, especially if you are ready to do everything for that girl (like I did, and I did stupid things).

mhm

FireProphet, I find you post very upsetting. You are just assuming what my relationship is like when I have already stated in my previous posts it is not like you are saying. Further, you really don't understand the whole situation, so the assumptions you are making are really pissing me off right now. There isn't some kind of needy "pattern" of this relationship, the kind you are telling me to avoid. I haven't even heard from her in four nights now so obviously this pattern you are talking about is non-existent. I don't need crap like this right now thank you. If you knew what she was struggling through... ugh, just don't post in this thread anymore please, FireProphet, because you really don't understand the situation and you are just upsetting me. I've got enough on my mind being worried about her, and hoping and praying things will begin to get better for her. Further, I realize that I can't really do anything to help her, except maybe spending time with her to help her feel happy. But right now, I don't even think that helps because she wants to isolate from everyone and not feel anything. I'm just going to do my best to wait until she is ready to talk again, and I will pray that things get better. I believe that the only one who can help her right now is God.