Something I've been thinking about in regards to Cassidy's death...

I'm not intending this to be taboo, but it probably will be. I've been thinking about this a lot, at least in accordance with the last private conversation I had with Mystery.
Might as well cut to the chase:

Do you think drugs had a factor in Cassidy's death?

The last few times I talked to him, I asked him how recovery was going. He told me "not good", and he had so much anxiety that he started using again after rehab. That was the end of July and a couple PMs between us.

When I first heard about his death, I didn't say it, but the first thing that popped into my mind was Cazz being high and not paying attention when he was in the road.

The next thought was drugs were a death factor as an indirect result - like he wouldn't have been where he was when he got killed, if he wasn't going somewhere to get his fix, something like that.
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I realize there's not a whole lot of point to this - not only debating something we'll never really know of, and it doesn't matter how he went, he's still gone.

This is just my own addict mine spinning, wanting that closure - I guess I'm crazy like that. I more or less want to know if anyone had that same feeling.

In a way, IF (I repeat IF) drugs were a factor, this "mistake" helps to add a little padding to my own sobriety. (I hope that doesn't come across wrong to anyone - like I'm trying to benefit from his death or something.)

Point being, I'm not going to be on this planet long enough to make all the mistakes myself, and I try to learn from other people. Sometimes a harsh lesson and a painful loss have knocked my own recovery up a notch, to help me not only avoid the same fate for myself, but help others to have a little extra incentive to grasp sobriety.

I hope that makes sense. Those are my comments. Feedback will be appreciated.

Last edited by olias on Fri Sep 03, 2010 10:28 pm; edited 1 time in total

It is possible Tom. Of course sometimes senselessness is a factor, but many traffic accidents could be prevented by situational awareness, which is certainly one of the first thing to go with any kind of drug. Of course, there might be the driver as well, who might have been under the influence.

Number of posts : 2576 Age : 32 Registration date : 2009-04-07 Points : 8971

Hguols wrote:: Do you think drugs had a factor in Cassidy's death?

Unless the woman who ran over him was high, I doubt it.

Maybe maybe not.

Im a recovered user also and it really pained me when we would talk about his struggle with substance abuse.

judging by the womans actions after she hit him though I dont think it would have really mattered. Its obvious she was out of control.

Number of posts : 2576 Age : 32 Registration date : 2009-04-07 Points : 8971

Stender wrote:: judging by the womans actions after she hit him though I dont think it would have really mattered. Its obvious she was out of control.

Yep.

It's weird because I am really kinda depressed in an odd way since his death. I'm not sad so much as...anxious all the time. It started when I ran across some pictures of a woman who had died in a massive accident, and ever since I saw those pictures I couldn't get the thought of Cassidy out of my head. This is not like me at all, because traditionally I have been a very apathetic person. But this is really f*ckin' with my state of mind.

I'm surprised at how much I'm thinking about this too. I mean, I wasn't even super close to the guy - never talked over the phone or met in person. We'd just type about dumb **** most of the time in the chat.

Drugs or not (for Cazz or the driver) it's bumped up my awareness of my own mortality.

None of us are getting off this planet alive!!!

FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU......

Haha, i find it funny when people ask me about my decision to become a Navy SEAL and how they wouldn't do it because they don't want to die, as if they think that they will live forever.

Number of posts : 2576 Age : 32 Registration date : 2009-04-07 Points : 8971

Hguols wrote:: Drugs or not (for Cazz or the driver) it's bumped up my awareness of my own mortality.

Same here.

LastFirstborn wrote:

Hguols wrote:: Do you think drugs had a factor in Cassidy's death?

Unless the woman who ran over him was high, I doubt it.

This.

Number of posts : 105 Age : 64 Registration date : 2009-05-22 Points : 5765

it's been a week since cassidy died. i put a picture of a lit candle on my facebook today in his memory. i talked to him now and then, but wasn't a close friend. i'm still thinking about him alot, i guess because of the whole senselessness of his death.

if his death had been as a result of drugs, that's one thing, but it wasn't. it was because someone hit him. there should have been sidewalks there.

has anyone googled his name? i've been doing that. someone even wrote a local paper mentioning the sidewalk issue.

as i understand it, from what a friend wrote on his FB, he was going to get wine. but of course, that makes no difference. wine or not, he was a victim of an accident. i keep thinking how all of us should have our lives in order. poor cassidy never got to do anything again once he was hit. never went back to his room, never said things to friends. it's just sad.

sometimes you just wonder why accidents happen to some people who are so young, and have alot of life left, while older people linger in nursing homes. just isn't any rhyme or reason. that's when i've gotta trust that God has a purpose to everyone's existence. maybe they'll put a sidewalk in and save lives. i heard his organs were donated. right there... his death may have saved a life or two.

i dunno. i wish i had talked to the kid more. i did like him.

fairydust wrote:: someone even wrote a local paper mentioning the sidewalk issue.

Looks like that's this one. If you read gradygo's comment after the article, it gives the impression that this didn't have anything to do with Cassidy not paying attention.

FireProphet wrote:

fairydust wrote:: someone even wrote a local paper mentioning the sidewalk issue.

Looks like that's this one. If you read gradygo's comment after the article, it gives the impression that this didn't have anything to do with Cassidy not paying attention.

I know exactly where he was walking at and I can say that yeah that road needs some major work. the bicycle lane is like 2 feet wide. I hope someone on portlands city council considers maybe doing something about that sidewalk considering a brilliant kid was killed because of it.

FireProphet wrote:

fairydust wrote:: someone even wrote a local paper mentioning the sidewalk issue.

Looks like that's this one. If you read gradygo's comment after the article, it gives the impression that this didn't have anything to do with Cassidy not paying attention.

My town has the same prob. We are one of the worst cities in the nation for pedestrians.

I went to the memorial at his school yesterday, and the roads up in that area are super windy and people drive really fast on them. It's very unsafe for pedestrians. They really do need sidewalks or something.

Number of posts : 105 Age : 64 Registration date : 2009-05-22 Points : 5765

stuff like this happens in the cleveland area too. it usually takes a death before there's any action. a few days ago, some idiot driving too fast hit an amish buggy, and put a few of those people in the hospital.

lizzie.christine wrote:: I went to the memorial at his school yesterday, and the roads up in that area are super windy and people drive really fast on them. It's very unsafe for pedestrians. They really do need sidewalks or something.

Maybe this is something good that will come out of Cassidy's death.
I mean, he's brought alot of good to this board and made us closer already.
You and I are bff's.
Jojo and I are freekin brothers now.
Matt is like a nephew to me.
His death can have positive impacts on us, as well as the rest of the world.
Just thinking out loud...

I'm w/ Tom - I didn't know him very well (heck, I didn't even know the guy had a drug problem), and we had just chatted infrequently on the board. We didn't see very eye to eye on music, and he always "seemed" a bit stand-offish at times, though I think part of it was the coy/cool kind of thing. It's just a reminder of our own mortality.

Number of posts : 105 Age : 64 Registration date : 2009-05-22 Points : 5765

it sure IS a reminder, MetalFRO.

older people are reminded of their mortality alot, but younger people usually think their indestructible. not that you want anyone to die young, but it's most def a reminder that death can strike at any age. my son is 17 and i'm not gonna drive myself crazy worrying about the kid, but it's always on my mind that one bad car accident can end his life in a flash.

having facilitated grief grps for many years, i've heard too many stories of young people dying, so it's a reality to me. i just hope that never happens to my son cuz he's a good kid. plus, he's all i have.

it sounds like good has come out of his death and that's a good thing.