This is a non-Christian based secular article, but I found it very interesting and very true.

http://boston.dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/88451/dating-101-why-am-i-still-single

tl;dr

I dunno... IMO I been looking for a girl all my life and I'm 25 years old and still haven't found the one, or even just a date, even those are rare (although I do have one for this weekend but I have a feeling it may end up like all the others) It seems like if I can get a date, we go out, and then I'll never hear from that person again. I don't even know what I'm doin wrong..maybe I'm just a bad date guy?? So hard and confusing sometimes... Good thing I still have my hobbies... (I love you Blizzard entertainment and NC Soft)

Mortificationrulez wrote:

I dunno... IMO I been looking for a girl all my life and I'm 25 years old and still haven't found the one, or even just a date, even those are rare (although I do have one for this weekend but I have a feeling it may end up like all the others) It seems like if I can get a date, we go out, and then I'll never hear from that person again. I don't even know what I'm doin wrong..maybe I'm just a bad date guy?? So hard and confusing sometimes... Good thing I still have my hobbies... (I love you Blizzard entertainment and NC Soft)

that last part explains ur singleness

mystery wrote:

Mortificationrulez wrote:

I dunno... IMO I been looking for a girl all my life and I'm 25 years old and still haven't found the one, or even just a date, even those are rare (although I do have one for this weekend but I have a feeling it may end up like all the others) It seems like if I can get a date, we go out, and then I'll never hear from that person again. I don't even know what I'm doin wrong..maybe I'm just a bad date guy?? So hard and confusing sometimes... Good thing I still have my hobbies... (I love you Blizzard entertainment and NC Soft)

that last part explains ur singleness

I will be damned if I have to give up my gaming for anyone...

yep.. narcissism. A big problem.

Mortificationrulez wrote:

mystery wrote:

Mortificationrulez wrote:

I dunno... IMO I been looking for a girl all my life and I'm 25 years old and still haven't found the one, or even just a date, even those are rare (although I do have one for this weekend but I have a feeling it may end up like all the others) It seems like if I can get a date, we go out, and then I'll never hear from that person again. I don't even know what I'm doin wrong..maybe I'm just a bad date guy?? So hard and confusing sometimes... Good thing I still have my hobbies... (I love you Blizzard entertainment and NC Soft)

that last part explains ur singleness

I will be damned if I have to give up my gaming for anyone...

meh... I used to play video games with my last girlfriend. She liked it.

I play MMO's with my boyfriend all the time, and its pretty fun most the time... but I WILL be damned if thats all we do 24/7. >:0

pinkRenne wrote:

I play MMO's with my boyfriend all the time, and its pretty fun most the time... but I WILL be damned if thats all we do 24/7. >:0

Thats good, but if and whenever I find someone I'm not gonna sit and play games all the time, of course I'll make time for her, just like how I make time for my family and friends. I'm not the avid 16 hour a day gamer like I used to be, those days are over lol.

WOO! "Looking for love or a list of features" - DING DING DING DING DING!!!!!!!

The longest relationship I had was 4 years. We were practically married without the marriage so to speak, but there were so many things wrong there. We were both substance abusers and co-dependent.

Heh, heard the joke?
What's the difference between a co-dependent and a pit-bull?
A pit-bull knows when to let go.

We stayed in the relationship way WAY longer than we should have, just for the sake of being together and it was never healthy. It was just decadent at best.

Now, having been single for over two years, I find myself looking for a list of features. Not necessarily physical dimensions, but certain personality traits. Eaugh....

My looks don't help either. With my appearance (best depicted from the picture on the left) a certain type of woman is attracted to me, generally speaking. ....the same time of woman I was last with, who's not good for me in many, MANY ways.

Still, I'd rather get with someone on God's timing. Besides, even after this time, I'm still not sure if I'm ready for another relationship. The scars are still quite visible from the last one...

I think it's interesting how the article seems to pinpoint the blame on women in particular...granted everyone has their own feature "list" and things not working out is incredibly discouraging and has reprocussions on any future relationships.
Social networking has made it so much easier to judge people and are unfortunately taken as to who someone really is, regardless if we ever even meet them in real life. Humility is tough on myspace/facebook, because the entire point of the site is the complete opposite.

All people, even Christians, it seems have been so mind-f***d by this world in terms of how we view the opposite sex, that it seems almost pointless to follow God's will as to how we should pursue a relationship when everyone else doesn't seem at all interested in doing the same. Stereotypical Christian girls in particular annoy me, as much as they may preach humility and being sinners blah blah they tend to all come off as the proudest people on earth, and the ones that don't tend to act very "secular" and probably have a list of features greater than that of the "humble" christian girl, who all seem to not to want to settle for anything less than a Superman Chrisitan guy.

That article has pretty much screamed what I have been saying for the past year and a half now.

My last relationship ended on a whim due to a mistake in judgment I made. I was one of these depicted in the article here. A person who pretty much had this "mental checklist", and would dismiss women based on them missing just one point of it. A few months after the relationship ended, I realized after much prayer and Scripture reading that a girl God would actually send a man (that is, if He decides to, which I doubt since I don't believe God is a divine matchmaker) is someone who fails in the areas I very much don't want her to fail in, and someone who stays with me even though I may fail her in areas she doesn't want me to fail in. The reason for this, to me, is simple. God wants us to be with someone like this so that we can learn to love someone unconditionally, regardless if they meet these conditions. It is to help us become more conformed to Christ's image, who loved us regardless of our sinful nature. Should Christ have put up guidelines and only loved us when we met those requirements? No, because if that were the case, there wouldn't be a way to be saved.

Now, as far as my "mental checklist" goes, the only requirement is that the girl must have a heart for the things of God. That is the only one, I believe, that we as Christians should have in mind, because we are forbidden to join with someone who doesn't hold this value because it could wreck us spiritually, and then ultimately make us totally unhappy.

The only successful marriages I have seen were made up of two people, who had absolutely nothing in common, who fell in love and regardless of standards being kept or broken, continue to love each other. Every time I saw people get together based solely on certain requirements, and not based on a love for each other, it has failed miserably, because the relationship is not built on love. It is built on narcissism.

As far as Christian girls that are stuck up when it comes to relationships - those are the kind that stay single for pretty much forever. I have met several who didn't want someone who isn't a virgin (even if his virginity was lost before his conversion), who was even slightly overweight, and I could go on and on and on, but the whole concept was this - if they couldn't find someone who is just a male version of themselves, they wanted nothing to do with them. And I know Christian girls like this who are in the 20s and 30s, who are still single to this very day, and haven't been in a relationship, and in some cases, even a date, in several years.

My advice to you guys here from what I have learned from experience - if a girl is checking you out to see if you fit her standards (the standards besides the christian standard), run. And run as fast as you can. The girl wants a male version of herself, not someone who is unique that she can learn to fall in love with based on reality.

eternalmystery wrote:

That article has pretty much screamed what I have been saying for the past year and a half now.

My last relationship ended on a whim due to a mistake in judgment I made. I was one of these depicted in the article here. A person who pretty much had this "mental checklist", and would dismiss women based on them missing just one point of it. A few months after the relationship ended, I realized after much prayer and Scripture reading that a girl God would actually send a man (that is, if He decides to, which I doubt since I don't believe God is a divine matchmaker) is someone who fails in the areas I very much don't want her to fail in, and someone who stays with me even though I may fail her in areas she doesn't want me to fail in. The reason for this, to me, is simple. God wants us to be with someone like this so that we can learn to love someone unconditionally, regardless if they meet these conditions. It is to help us become more conformed to Christ's image, who loved us regardless of our sinful nature. Should Christ have put up guidelines and only loved us when we met those requirements? No, because if that were the case, there wouldn't be a way to be saved.

Now, as far as my "mental checklist" goes, the only requirement is that the girl must have a heart for the things of God. That is the only one, I believe, that we as Christians should have in mind, because we are forbidden to join with someone who doesn't hold this value because it could wreck us spiritually, and then ultimately make us totally unhappy.

The only successful marriages I have seen were made up of two people, who had absolutely nothing in common, who fell in love and regardless of standards being kept or broken, continue to love each other. Every time I saw people get together based solely on certain requirements, and not based on a love for each other, it has failed miserably, because the relationship is not built on love. It is built on narcissism.

As far as Christian girls that are stuck up when it comes to relationships - those are the kind that stay single for pretty much forever. I have met several who didn't want someone who isn't a virgin (even if his virginity was lost before his conversion), who was even slightly overweight, and I could go on and on and on, but the whole concept was this - if they couldn't find someone who is just a male version of themselves, they wanted nothing to do with them. And I know Christian girls like this who are in the 20s and 30s, who are still single to this very day, and haven't been in a relationship, and in some cases, even a date, in several years.

My advice to you guys here from what I have learned from experience - if a girl is checking you out to see if you fit her standards (the standards besides the christian standard), run. And run as fast as you can. The girl wants a male version of herself, not someone who is unique that she can learn to fall in love with based on reality.

That made the most sense. It has really gotten me to think about things a little differently. I have been trying to find the female counterpart of myself for awhile now that I see that why it wouldn't work I should try to broaden my views and expectations a little bit.

Ok, when people say that they look for nothing more than someone who "holds Godly values" and whatever and NOTHING else, it's usually bullcrap. God did not create physical attraction for nothing, nor did he create women with different forms of PHYSICAL beauty for nothing. There are other things than just if someone holds Christians values or not (most likely not as even Scripture declares there is NO ONE with real values towards God, thus there is no such thing as a real Christian). There is physical attraction, there are finances, there are economic and societal factors, interests, upbringings, parental issues, etc. I'm not about to go and marry a homeless women who happens to believe in God a lot more than a middle-class girl, nor do I have a shot at an upper-class rich girl no matter how strong my faith is (although hollywood would paint it differently, having these extreme opposites in social/economic classes getting together for the sake of sweeping romance and drama, it's nonsense).
Heck, lots of people would even be willing to forgo lots of "Christian values" for someone who they find more appealing in terms of physical and financial statutes - sure it's not the RIGHT way to think, but it's reality. Reality people, it's not nice so stop hoping that just because you think you follow Christ vehemently that it's gonna change things external to you. You may PERCEIVE it differently, but that isn't gonna stop someone (even a fellow Christian) from stabbing you in the back or ignoring you.
But to say that simply because someone holds certain priorities OTHER than faith in regards to a marriage partner does not automatically mean that it's going to be a failed marriage, because many times it isn't, many times it works out quite well, depending on the people. Many times non-Christian have much healthier marriages than those of Christians.

Sure it would be great if I could find a Christian girl who both enticed me intellectually as well as physically, but from my experience, women in general are too damn picky to really give them the benefit of the doubt (I'm almost through believing in them at all), plus most Christian girls are too annoyingly stereotypical and predictable.
I have certain preferences sexually as well as faithfully. I'd like to meet a girl with a good balance of both. There are girls that I've come across that do great on the faith part but if I don't find myself physically appealed or attracted to them, and I know in the future i'll find myself regretting not trying harder to get someone who i was more physically attracted to; it would be just the same the opposite - regretting in the future not having more faith and finding someone who was more Christian-inclined, even if she was really hot. And to be brutally honest, since faith is so damn confusing and difficult to continously depend on anyway, I am even willing to forgo a girl who isn't a "strong Christian" in preference for a girl who I was more attracted to physically (this shouldn't be a problem as I have yet to actually meet a girl who's a typical 'strong christian' and who actually finds ME appealing in the least, and they typically won't considering I'm probably the most anti-Christian Christian alive... or that I'm simply not hot enough, thus tossing out the window all their supposed Christian values).
Catholic girls tend to be more appealing as they don't tend to be so irritatingly picky as to my "works" and if I'm not doing enough and this and that... the Protestant Church seems to just demand too much of your marriage partners, God forbid we just love them for who they are not what "fruit" their works show.

people that are single are ugly or have a bad personality. or they are bad at picking up on people hitting on them.

metalgrinch wrote:

Sure it would be great if I could find a Christian girl who both enticed me intellectually as well as physically, but from my experience, women in general are too damn picky to really give them the benefit of the doubt (I'm almost through believing in them at all), plus most Christian girls are too annoyingly stereotypical and predictable.

Ouch. Well, don't give up yet! I hope we're not all that way! =/ As for me, I just generally don't meet many guys. Being someone who is probably theoretically picky (I know what I'd like) but when it comes to it there's only two things that really count as to whether I am interested or not -those being that I find them attractive and they love and honour God. I know that when it comes to it, as people have basically just said, love is willing to sacrifice and overcome.
The emphasis is love. Because even if someone checks nearly everything on your mental list if you have one, you are two different people and you are always going to need to love one another enough to both be prepared to go for it (talking marriage by now) -discovered this with my last boyfriend.
Anyway being there's no guys I've met recently that fit those two original specifications, (that I'm hopeful you'd say is reasonable!! =p) I'm still currently single. I've personally battled and now just have to trust God with it. Not because I think His job is to matchmake us all and give us all lovely homes, but I do believe He is interested in all these details, and for me, it really is the only thing to ultimately do.

P.s That article is really good, and so scarily true about the whole social networking culture. I left facebook last week for a few reasons, but I realise how self-indulgent it all was.

metalgrinch wrote:

Ok, when people say that they look for nothing more than someone who "holds Godly values" and whatever and NOTHING else, it's usually bullcrap. God did not create physical attraction for nothing, nor did he create women with different forms of PHYSICAL beauty for nothing. There are other things than just if someone holds Christians values or not (most likely not as even Scripture declares there is NO ONE with real values towards God, thus there is no such thing as a real Christian). There is physical attraction, there are finances, there are economic and societal factors, interests, upbringings, parental issues, etc. I'm not about to go and marry a homeless women who happens to believe in God a lot more than a middle-class girl, nor do I have a shot at an upper-class rich girl no matter how strong my faith is (although hollywood would paint it differently, having these extreme opposites in social/economic classes getting together for the sake of sweeping romance and drama, it's nonsense).
Heck, lots of people would even be willing to forgo lots of "Christian values" for someone who they find more appealing in terms of physical and financial statutes - sure it's not the RIGHT way to think, but it's reality. Reality people, it's not nice so stop hoping that just because you think you follow Christ vehemently that it's gonna change things external to you. You may PERCEIVE it differently, but that isn't gonna stop someone (even a fellow Christian) from stabbing you in the back or ignoring you.
But to say that simply because someone holds certain priorities OTHER than faith in regards to a marriage partner does not automatically mean that it's going to be a failed marriage, because many times it isn't, many times it works out quite well, depending on the people. Many times non-Christian have much healthier marriages than those of Christians.

Sure it would be great if I could find a Christian girl who both enticed me intellectually as well as physically, but from my experience, women in general are too damn picky to really give them the benefit of the doubt (I'm almost through believing in them at all), plus most Christian girls are too annoyingly stereotypical and predictable.
I have certain preferences sexually as well as faithfully. I'd like to meet a girl with a good balance of both. There are girls that I've come across that do great on the faith part but if I don't find myself physically appealed or attracted to them, and I know in the future i'll find myself regretting not trying harder to get someone who i was more physically attracted to; it would be just the same the opposite - regretting in the future not having more faith and finding someone who was more Christian-inclined, even if she was really hot. And to be brutally honest, since faith is so damn confusing and difficult to continously depend on anyway, I am even willing to forgo a girl who isn't a "strong Christian" in preference for a girl who I was more attracted to physically (this shouldn't be a problem as I have yet to actually meet a girl who's a typical 'strong christian' and who actually finds ME appealing in the least, and they typically won't considering I'm probably the most anti-Christian Christian alive... or that I'm simply not hot enough, thus tossing out the window all their supposed Christian values).
Catholic girls tend to be more appealing as they don't tend to be so irritatingly picky as to my "works" and if I'm not doing enough and this and that... the Protestant Church seems to just demand too much of your marriage partners, God forbid we just love them for who they are not what "fruit" their works show.

Physical attraction is a given dude. There wasn't a need for me to list it. Why would anyone get into a serious, intimate, romantic relationship with someone that they are not physically attracted to? Both sexes look for something BEYOND physical attraction dude. Why would I want to be with someone who I find physically attractive, but at the same time is a rude, stuck-up, obnoxious waste of flesh who is narcissistic to the max? Why would a woman want to be with some guy who is physically attractive to her, yet at the same time is a prick to everyone around him, including her? Physical attraction must be there, yes I agree. But it DOES NOT end there. It really only begins there.

And you are willing to forgo certain values for a girl? What if the girl's values contradict what you strongly believe in? Think about it. If you get married to someone who doesn't hold the same moral values as you do (MORAL values, not idiotic wishful guidelines like 'I want someone who loves animals' or some crap like that), and you had children with that woman, there would be squabbling and fighting over who's morals are better for the kids. When you first get married to someone like this, it might not affect the relationship as much, but once you have kids, it will affect it horribly, and will also affect the children. I know several couples that have divorced over this.

And you have 'certain sexual preferences' as well? When a man usually says this, he's basically saying that he wants a girl that'll make moves on him like a pornstar. Well let me give you some advice and knowledge on this particular subject. The reality train is on it's way, next stop is you.

I am not sexually active because I'm not married, but before I was born again, I was very much active. And in my experience, if you ever find a girl that will put moves on you like that, then she's probably been around the block more times than a UPS delivery truck. I know several girls like this, and trust me, they weren't 'born' with this experience. The ones I know that are like this have confessed to me that they have been with anywhere between 30 and 70 men, and I know a few that have been with a whole lot more than that. If you ever find a girl like this, trust me, you won't be their first, and in my past experience, along with any other guy that has been in this situation, you usually will not be their last.
If you got married to a nice, modest girl that you really, truly care about, maybe (that's a MAYBE, not a guarantee) things will spice up a bit after between 5 and 8 years of marriage. But if you find someone like this who is laying moves on you like nobody's business on the first night, trust me, she's been with probably truckloads of other men.

I really hate to put it this way, but it's the truth.

^ most of the frustration with myself personally is that I'm not very good at "keeping pure" as a Christian guy in terms of lust. The response in the Bible would tell me "ok, then get married." I look back at Scripture and say "it's not as easy as that."
We can't marry just ANYONE simply because we are unable to control our passions, or have a frustrating time doing so. Everyone has certain preferences, some more mandatory than others. In this world we're in, it seems absolutely hopeless that any girl I find myself physically attracted to has any other qualities that will make me want to stay with her, given that she actually WANTS ME BACK, which 99 out of 100 times (or shall I just say 100% of the time so far) she just doesn't.
People say 'then get confident.' I say it's not that easy. Christians say 'follow Christ,' and I ask how considering I keep fumbling (not to also mention that I really don't know what "following Christ" actually means, thus I continuously disbelieve that God will EVER make me into someone who is worthy of marrying ANYONE, even the lowest burnout loser... because I think of myself now and myself 3 or 4 years ago and the advancement I made as a person and I see how it still has yet to be good enough for anyone).

I don't know how to act towards women, because the smallest flaw and they run for the hills or you simply remain with a "friends" status to them. I don't know where to change my personality because there is no one to trust, no one who really cares to help. There seems contradictory advice everywhere, nothing makes sense, not even God sometimes. And if you can't go to Him for advice or consolation, where CAN you go?

There are things people want out of life, and "dying to self" is simply a ridiculous thing to ask of anyone, because of the simple fact that IT. IS. NOT. POSSIBLE. ...NOBODY. DOES. IT. And if someone where to tell me they actually do it or know what it means to do so, they're either shamelessly lying or they're rich and wealthy with great health, have a wonderful sex life and an amazing spouse.

metalgrinch wrote:

^ most of the frustration with myself personally is that I'm not very good at "keeping pure" as a Christian guy in terms of lust. The response in the Bible would tell me "ok, then get married." I look back at Scripture and say "it's not as easy as that."
We can't marry just ANYONE simply because we are unable to control our passions, or have a frustrating time doing so. Everyone has certain preferences, some more mandatory than others. In this world we're in, it seems absolutely hopeless that any girl I find myself physically attracted to has any other qualities that will make me want to stay with her, given that she actually WANTS ME BACK, which 99 out of 100 times (or shall I just say 100% of the time so far) she just doesn't.
People say 'then get confident.' I say it's not that easy. Christians say 'follow Christ,' and I ask how considering I keep fumbling (not to also mention that I really don't know what "following Christ" actually means, thus I continuously disbelieve that God will EVER make me into someone who is worthy of marrying ANYONE, even the lowest burnout loser... because I think of myself now and myself 3 or 4 years ago and the advancement I made as a person and I see how it still has yet to be good enough for anyone).

I don't know how to act towards women, because the smallest flaw and they run for the hills or you simply remain with a "friends" status to them. I don't know where to change my personality because there is no one to trust, no one who really cares to help. There seems contradictory advice everywhere, nothing makes sense, not even God sometimes. And if you can't go to Him for advice or consolation, where CAN you go?

There are things people want out of life, and "dying to self" is simply a ridiculous thing to ask of anyone, because of the simple fact that IT. IS. NOT. POSSIBLE. ...NOBODY. DOES. IT. And if someone where to tell me they actually do it or know what it means to do so, they're either shamelessly lying or they're rich and wealthy with great health, have a wonderful sex life and an amazing spouse.

Oh grinchy, you knew I would find this didn't you? Here's a slap for you! Wake up bro! Stop looking at all the negatives... Stop doubting what God can do! Stop focusing on you so much!

Ok... so if you did stop doing these things... do you believe anything will change? If you trusted in God to help you get over yourself and your supposed needs being met according to your self imposed timeline maybe you might start seeing things differently.... allowing God to work in the areas you struggle with.

We can say "but this,, but that ra ra ra". The thing is grinchy, do you ever want to be whole and trust fully in Christ? or do want to continue on the " why hasn't this happened yet" "I'm still falling into sin, but I can't help it, I'm a guy and I'm single"

Nobody does the dying to self? Nobody at all? It isn't possible for someone to not masturbate at all for example, be master of their flesh due to their high faith levels and prayers for strength and focus from Christ?.... Sorry it is possible to die to self, deny thyself and take up the Cross bro. I have, continue to do so and I feel freaking amazing... sure you get tempted but the less you dwell, the duller the urges are. Why do you think some one has it all because they have money and a wife? what planet do you live on man? its bull... some of the most unhappy people I know have lots of money.... some have died lonely and rich, prosperity is not Money!!!!!!!!!!! its gaining knowledge, deeper levels of faith and blessings from God.... nothing to do with Money or having a hot boyfriend or girlfriend, fast car or nice house.

Change how you see things mate... and you will notice a shift in what you value and what you are chasing....

To make a long story short: my amounts of disappointments with life and people only increased since becoming a Christian and depending on God for things. People weren't this hurtful, ignorant and uncaring beforehand, they were actually more loving and dependable. Isn't it sad that it's actually those who profess Jesus as savior and make abiding by Biblical teachings as primary importance are the ones who are actually the absolute WORST at doing it? It makes Christianity seem like a joke; God and Christ may exist, but the way Christians have taught how we should see Him and how He works only makes for a psychological mindf***. My personality just doesn't fit it.
"If you follow, He'll give you blessings" we say, but when blessings don't happen, we say "well, there's a reason, you shouldn't do it for yourself, you should do it for Him just because He's God." So maybe blessings are God KEEPING bad things from happening, as in, if I follow Him He'll KEEP my family healthy, He'll KEEP my health in check, He'll KEEP things going well... but does that mean if I DON'T follow Him that He'll cause BAD things to happen? So is this supposed to be a loving father? This sounds more like a malevolent dictator. Therefore I'm having trouble believing that the way the Church teaches us how God does act is actually the way He acts. As if He treats Christians with any higher regard than anyone else... which He absolutely does not.

People say to think of God and try to go after His heart, but doing so only makes things more difficult, worrisome and confusing, not easier or more peaceful. Because trying to figure out God's will is impossible, and how are we humans supposed to figure Him out anyhow? How is that even possible? It isn't. So why do Christians continue to try over and over again, only causing them to overlook others and feel like crap about themselves?

My life might be going somewhere but it's taking an extraordinarily long time to achieve the things I've seen others gain at a much younger age and with minimal effort. When people upset me Christians say that it strengthens my walk with God, but in actuality it discourages it. If ALL people fail ALL the time and I can't depend on ANY of them for anything, how am I supposed to view God's work in anything, or good in anything, especially since the only way things happen in the world is because of PEOPLE. Thus, if people don't act, it means God isn't acting. If I help a church out with things and hope to gain close friendships but ultimately don't, it only means that either God doesn't care or He's trying to tell me to do it regardless of whether I receive anything and no matter my hurt, discouraged or lonely feelings - God wants His church helped out, period, He doesn't care to do anything to help a lonely person deal with his discouraged emotions. Do you see my logic with this?

And how this relates to who I want to marry, I ask myself if this whole "she MUST be a Christian" is even all that mandatory, because while it's important to me I don't go about my Christianity the way the stereotypical church-going joe-shmo goes about it, and because I don't, it only makes His supopsedly loving children distance themselves from me, because i don't fit the mold. So why be loving to people who don't want to be loved by me? Shouldn't it count more that my future wife believe in God and just be a decent moral person whether or not she does all the politically correct Church activity mumbo jumbo? It seems most Christians within a "church family" find someone within that church or that same church denomination simply to appease others in the Church, whether or not they're even that happy with the person they're with.

I've recently come to a conclusion about myself: I am a very difficult person, my perfectionist nature has always been a part of me, and due to my upbringing combined with my looks and persona and general attitude God has given me about how I should realistically view life in general has all created a person of amazing contradictions, a person with the type of personality that is so varied and unsure and so unhappy about upsetting or bothering others that all I ever seem to feel is guilt. A person looks at me funny after i say something and I automatically think I upset them, a girl looks away when I talk to her and automatically I know I've said something wrong, therefore then put off a quitting attitude of "I blew it, forget it" for the rest of the conversation, thus confirming her feelings that may or may not have been there.
I as a Christian can never ever get what I want without God saying it's ok. And given that everything I've wanted has come to a halt, it only means that God is going to keep saying no. So if I see an opportunity I hesitate to take it because given my life experience and God's constant hand in blocking any sort of happiness, I know that raising my hopes is only going to lead to a bigger disappointment. Yet... God doesn't disappoint us? (oh wait, I see, that's the WORLD disapointing us, not God? So what the hell does God do then?)
It seems the only way to get things is to forgo God's help and just do things for ourselves by ourselves, and this is why people do so. But I suppose now you're going to tell me that they aren't really happy, right? So I guess ONLY Christians are happy? ONLY Christians can find ways to make things work? There is no such thing a discouraged followers of Christ I guess; people who are depressed, upset, angry, lonely, and have even been pushed to suicide and self-abuse due to extreme circumstances which God simply does not take them out of. Plenty of secular non-christians have very fulfilled lives and have received blessings through hard work and determination - but this all goes with how Christians don't really mean anything more to God than non-christians. So I guess Jesus really doesn't mean anything for those who believe in Him. But I guess they'll only receive those blessings AFTER they die, wow, how comforting. But then again how many stereotypical hand-waving, church-going, dramatic public praying Christians are NOT in heaven, and how many of the opposite are?

God is probably upset that I'm writing and thinking all of this. So I guess He'll find some sort of punishment for me. It's pretty infuriating that that seems to be the only way He'll show Himself, is through discipline. Yet when we try to help and do good He always remains quiet. This is why people try to get the good things for themselves, whether or not it's considered "sinful" by the Church. But see, I'm not that gutsy, I still continue to crawl back to God EVERY time before I decide to completely abandon Him. Only to feel good for a little bit and be lead to the next roadblock He'll shove in my face.

Hit me up via PM on here or facebook. I am happy to have a chat with you about the things you have brought up.

What alot of us don't realise is sometimes we bring along old habits and ways of thinking with us when we become born again... quite normal yes.... but do you want to live in freedom or keep on petting past habits and worldly ways on the head, or get rid of them?

Grinchy, you are massively hung up on what everyone else has mate... that is not for you! it is for them, what is for you is coming and does come when it should... if you took your eyes off what everyone else is doing, saying and getting... wouldn't you be free of envy and thinking " they have got it made, but when is it so hard for me, why can't I have that, why are their lives so great, etc etc amen"?.

I'm gathering your a little stressed and struggling atm, it is normal mate... but where we think our source of happiness comes from may not be it. You assume and perceive that people who have lots of money and a partner have it made.... wonder why you not having an easy time for a bit?- so much anger, envy and doubt coming from what you are saying.... Do you believe that God wants the best for you? He does grant you the desires of your heart... but when your heart is full of junk.... it is so not the right foundation to build a relationship on.

Who cares what others are doing, what are you doing?????

I do not let what others are doing around me affect how I am as a servant of Christ.... they are accountable for what they are doing, as am I.... take that on board when you look at Christians being hypocrites.

We need to be concerned about our relationship with Christ, doing His will and going out of our comfort zone whilst doing so. If we do not wish to change, well we're gonna keep whinging and arguing about the same old thing, if we do we should do absolutely anything God asks of us... He doesn't punish us or wish us to suffer without any way out or someone to reach out to.