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The Last Firstborn

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PostSubject: Would appreciate advice   Thu Nov 26, 2009 6:39 pm

Thanks for taking the time to read and consider what I have to say.

First off, is it possible to date without falling into lust? How do you discern love-motivated actions from those of lust? Is it lustful to enjoy hugging and kissing a girl?

Secondly, and most importantly, what's the best way to evangelize? Idk if my semi-girlfriend is a believer, and it would be a tragedy for me to just enjoy having her and not share the Gospel with her or help strengthen her faith.


Last edited by LastFirstborn on Thu Nov 26, 2009 7:36 pm; edited 3 times in total
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Mark

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PostSubject: Re: Would appreciate advice   Thu Nov 26, 2009 6:43 pm

Idk about the second, but yes, you can date without lusting. Love-motivated actions are selfless and are often asexual. Lust motivated actions are completely selfish and always sexual in nature. Enjoying hugs and kisses is not lustful as long as you don't make it all self-centered, if you just want to hug a girl because you want to feel her body all pressed up against yours, that would be lust. If you want to hug her because she's a your GF or she's a great friend or whatever, that's fine.
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The Last Firstborn

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PostSubject: Re: Would appreciate advice   Thu Nov 26, 2009 6:45 pm

Mark wrote:
...if you just want to hug a girl because you want to feel her body all pressed up against yours, that would be lust. If you want to hug her because she's a your GF or she's a great friend or whatever, that's fine.

Well, I certainly don't mind either. geek
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Mark

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PostSubject: Re: Would appreciate advice   Thu Nov 26, 2009 6:45 pm

Same here geek
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wizardovmetal

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PostSubject: Re: Would appreciate advice   Thu Nov 26, 2009 9:19 pm

i guess it has to do with your intent on it if you are hugging and kissing her to show affection to her as a person you love (love as a person not sexually motivated) then i think its perfectly fine i personally think there are two levels to having a relationship with a girl, for me theres a true love of her as a person without any sexuality involved whatsoever. i consider this to be a relationship with a girls heart not her body
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The Last Firstborn

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PostSubject: Re: Would appreciate advice   Thu Nov 26, 2009 9:25 pm

But what about sexual feelings/desires? Can't turn off sex drive.
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therockismighty

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PostSubject: Re: Would appreciate advice   Thu Nov 26, 2009 9:40 pm

of course you can't turn off your sex drive... so what you do is set yourself limits and boundaries with each other.... do not close the door on a room you are in.... limit how much time you spend talking..... be accountable to someone.. so you can stick to what you believe.
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wizardovmetal

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PostSubject: Re: Would appreciate advice   Thu Nov 26, 2009 9:51 pm

cant turn it off? in christ you learn and develop a whole new view on relationships. you see your partner differently then before i know this first hand
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metalgrinch

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PostSubject: Re: Would appreciate advice   Tue Dec 01, 2009 10:44 am

yepimonfire wrote:
cant turn it off? in christ you learn and develop a whole new view on relationships. you see your partner differently then before i know this first hand

This might set of a slew of arguments. It all depends on the person, some are simply hornier than others or have a higher sex drive or are more easily turned on, etc. I agree with Rock, for ME PERSONALLY I couldn't turn off my sex drive if I was with a cute girl, but I'd still keep control of myself and keep things appropriate if we were on a date or something. I'd keep my eyes on hers and her personality and try to come off as interesting and not desperate, or else then I can kiss any hope goodbye of EVER being intimate the way I want to be... you know, physically. affraid
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ELAN

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PostSubject: Re: Would appreciate advice   Tue Dec 01, 2009 12:31 pm

LastFirstborn wrote:
Thanks for taking the time to read and consider what I have to say.

First off, is it possible to date without falling into lust? How do you discern love-motivated actions from those of lust? Is it lustful to enjoy hugging and kissing a girl?

Secondly, and most importantly, what's the best way to evangelize? Idk if my semi-girlfriend is a believer, and it would be a tragedy for me to just enjoy having her and not share the Gospel with her or help strengthen her faith.

It might be possible to date without lust, but most of the time it is always there in some way. As long as you don't act on it or focus on it, then you should be alright.

As for the best way to evangelize... that is a very subjective topic that might get different responses from just about everyone.
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mystery

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PostSubject: Re: Would appreciate advice   Tue Dec 01, 2009 6:55 pm

kissing is an unavoidably lustful action for most people. ionno how to solve that problem.

and the best way to evangelize is with actions and control. tease her with your awesome resolve.
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Kan-o-sushi

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PostSubject: Re: Would appreciate advice   Wed Dec 02, 2009 2:12 am

ELAN wrote:

It might be possible to date without lust, but most of the time it is always there in some way. As long as you don't act on it or focus on it, then you should be alright.

Agreed.

As for the best way to evangelize, I think there is no "best way" - meaning, there is not particular strategy you should use because it's effective. Present the gospel to someone and don't let your actions betray your words. Salvation is God's work, so there isn't really a "best way" for us to evangelize. The one thing I do recommend though: do NOT "missionary date" someone.

This thread reminds me of what I went through recently. What I learned is that it is important not to date someone who is not a believer. You may not fall to the same sin and temptation I did, however it is unwise to put yourself in such a situation. Putting myself in that situation cost me a lot and damaged me spiritually. Further, as Christians, marriage exists in order to glorify God and it is clear in scripture we should not marry unbelievers. Now, I ask, what is the point of getting into a relationship with someone that you aren't really able to marry? Until you know she is a believer, do not date her. If she is not a believer, it is wise to get out of the "semi-girlfriend" stage and just be friends. I learned this the hard way.

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