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metalgrinch

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PostSubject: Physical attraction to females   Sun Nov 01, 2009 2:38 pm

Just posting this on the Christian section as it would entail lots of scriptural parallels, but was wondering what you do when as a guy you tend to be too wrapped up in women's looks, aside from attraction to their personalities or faith stability?

I tend to have this problem where ever since being single for about 3 years now I tend to not want to "waste" my opportunity for a good looking Christian wife. I don't mean like someone who works out 24/7 or is as skinny as a rail, but someone who's just NATURALLY good looking, and will grow to be a good looking OLDER woman. I've gotten into this mindset of always seeing potentials yet always hesitating because no girl ever seems to be good looking ENOUGH. It's a problem, and given the fact that I'm no Tom Cruise myself it's an even bigger problem. I sort of gravitate and lean towards the theory that BECAUSE I'm a guy it's OK considering girls typically don't measure looks anywhere near as important as guys do.

Yea, I'll tell you now, this is partially due to many years of porn dependence and at some points downright addiction. It's not that way anymore, but the side effects (such as this one) are still there. There's no denying, some women who act in porno movies are simply downright mouthwateringly sexy looking. Yea yea, I know it's not real, makeup, effects, yadda yadda, I understand all that.
Or perhaps I'm overanalyzing, perhaps when the right girl comes along I won't really care about looks anymore, but do any other guys seem to have or have had this sort of problem?
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olias

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PostSubject: Re: Physical attraction to females   Sun Nov 01, 2009 3:16 pm

Its fine, god made women beautiful, so no need to feel bad.
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Jim

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PostSubject: Re: Physical attraction to females   Sun Nov 01, 2009 3:24 pm

metalgrinch wrote:
Just posting this on the Christian section as it would entail lots of scriptural parallels, but was wondering what you do when as a guy you tend to be too wrapped up in women's looks, aside from attraction to their personalities or faith stability?

I tend to have this problem where ever since being single for about 3 years now I tend to not want to "waste" my opportunity for a good looking Christian wife. I don't mean like someone who works out 24/7 or is as skinny as a rail, but someone who's just NATURALLY good looking, and will grow to be a good looking OLDER woman. I've gotten into this mindset of always seeing potentials yet always hesitating because no girl ever seems to be good looking ENOUGH. It's a problem, and given the fact that I'm no Tom Cruise myself it's an even bigger problem. I sort of gravitate and lean towards the theory that BECAUSE I'm a guy it's OK considering girls typically don't measure looks anywhere near as important as guys do.

Yea, I'll tell you now, this is partially due to many years of porn dependence and at some points downright addiction. It's not that way anymore, but the side effects (such as this one) are still there. There's no denying, some women who act in porno movies are simply downright mouthwateringly sexy looking. Yea yea, I know it's not real, makeup, effects, yadda yadda, I understand all that.
Or perhaps I'm overanalyzing, perhaps when the right girl comes along I won't really care about looks anymore, but do any other guys seem to have or have had this sort of problem?

we are in the same shoes bro! its a tough thing the looks/faith thing, personally i think faith can go up and down with life, but looks dont change, if u dont find the girl attractive then u never will unless u change completely
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Vigilance Saints Arise

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PostSubject: Re: Physical attraction to females   Sun Nov 01, 2009 6:31 pm

Only God can give you a Wife.
Oh Mary concieved without sin
pray for us who have recourse
to thee.

Ask Mother Mary to give you
one of her Spiritual Daughters.

You shall not wrongly desire
your neighbor's Wife.
Get a wife of your own.

She will be your Soul Mate.

God knows what you need
before you ask.
Thank God ahead of time.

Learn not to touch yourself.
Awaite your Honnymoon in all
faith and Purity.

You have the mind of Christ.
Be ever so pure in your
thoughts.

Yet if you fall repent in Christ.
Jesus"Go and sin no more."

God forgives and forgets.
Worry is useless.
Pray to Mother Mary when tempted.

Some may gain self control
today.
Others may carry the cross
of body lust for years.

Allways Repent.
After trying to resist the act.

Young children are as Daughters.
Women your age are as Sisters.
Elder Women are as Mothers.

A White Wedding will come.
In time or in Eternity.

God Bless you and Peace within
your members. Man of God.

Talk to a Priest, a Father, an Uncle,
A wise Elder who is a Christian.

God Bless you and your Family.
Now and to be born of Woman.

A Christian Friend.
She is as two as one.
Together.

Abstinence.
We all have the choice.
Single, Married, or Religious.

I would
study the Catholic Monks.

Daily Bible, Church Women
are very Beautiful.

Peace.


Last edited by Vigilance Saints Arise on Tue Nov 03, 2009 1:51 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Hguols

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PostSubject: Re: Physical attraction to females   Sun Nov 01, 2009 6:47 pm

I think looks are important - and they don't have to interfere with faith. She don't have to be HOT or anything, but as long as a genuine effort is there to be physically appealing, chances are that I'll find her (whoever she is) attractive. I'd say 99.9% of the women I've met have the ability to work with what they have.

I can say I don't find women that are the size of a small planet, attractive. ...then again, most women that size aren't properly active....

Actually, she don't even have to be as big as a house, if they're not active, its still not attractive to me.

I have a soft spot for active and strong women.

With faith in the equation - God can move mountains, but I'd better bring a shovel. There's some work involved. I consider myself a strong "conduit" for God - physically, mentally, spiritually.... ready for work and working.

Probably why the only reason why I wouldn't find a woman attractive is if she just rested on her laurels. Chances are, there are tell tale signs in her physical appearance, and her mental and spiritual well being. ...but there are always exceptions...
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therockismighty

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PostSubject: Re: Physical attraction to females   Sun Nov 01, 2009 8:53 pm

Hguols... great answer...... Smile the guys are probably going to give you more helpful advice grinchy.. but as I have chatted with you often.... I can say that meeting someone based solely on looks is something that will never fulfill you... your eyes and something else will say wow but what about your heart and soul??

Attractiveness is much more than the features you think you desire.... I bet when a girl who is pretty enough, likes you for you- key thing I bet, is on fire for the Lord, encourages you and you enjoy her company immensely, will override everything else. Thus the same could be said for I , the wants I have for a male interest.

Keep praying grinchy and fix your focus and eyes on Him who takes care of what needs to be done.
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metalgrinch

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PostSubject: Re: Physical attraction to females   Sun Nov 01, 2009 10:00 pm

It's more like the feeling that since I find women of all shapes, colors, and sizes attractive (granted, I don't think EVERY woman is attractive) I get kinda nervous that just ONE isn't going to give me the fulfillment I desire as a woman - yes I understand that NO woman can fulfill the void in my heart that only Christ can, I've felt that, I know that. I'm talking more about purely physical and sexual attraction, the kind of attraction that led men in the OT days to desire to take wives for themselves.

And it's not even so much about looks, I've had opportunities during these 3 single years with a few women, yet have sort of turned them down because of things BESIDES their looks, more inclined towards stubborn, selfish, insecure, unreliable or just creepy personalities. Granted, I'll be honest, none of these women were what the world would say "hot," or have made my pupils dilate in any conscience way, so it's not like I'm one of these "take anything with 4 limbs and a vagina" types.

Rock, the problem with this "ideal" girl you speak of, is that this type of girl would NOT be someone who likes me for me or be interested in me in that way... my physical limitations are such that this type would most likely be willing to sacrifice the genuine nature of my heart for God for someone with probably a little less "fire for God" and more physical ability (stronger, taller, more athletic, wealthier, etc). I know this because I would probably do the same for a girl in return who wasn't "hot enough." Like I said, it's a problem.
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ELAN

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PostSubject: Re: Physical attraction to females   Sun Nov 01, 2009 10:10 pm

There are verses in Proverbs about being with, and being attracted to, your ideal woman.
It even goes so far as to say that we should 'let her breasts satisfy you always'.

I think that regardless of what society's stance of attraction is, God will, in most cases, deliver us a spouse that will be pleasing to our eyes as well as everything else.

I do not think we should overlook the importance of attraction in finding our spouses, regardless of if it is completely necessary or relevant or not.

For me, I think my wife is the embodiment of gorgeous; however, others will tell me otherwise. It does not matter; I know that physical attraction did have a part in what brought us together. Attraction would be needless and pointless of a thing for our Lord to create if He did not intend for it to be used purposefully.

I guess the only thing that can be said is to not use it un-purposefully (is that a word?).
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The Last Firstborn

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PostSubject: Re: Physical attraction to females   Mon Nov 02, 2009 2:06 am

Thinking to yourself, 'OMG, what a cutie!' is not a sin. Dwelling on wanting to bed someone is.

It is simply a matter of admiration vs. lust. Bestial fantasies are sin, not being attracted to or aroused by someone who is good looking (<which is natural and nothing to worry about).


Last edited by LastFirstborn on Mon Nov 02, 2009 3:17 am; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: Physical attraction to females   Mon Nov 02, 2009 2:43 am

God has a divine plan for your life, and for most believers, a spouse is part of that plan. (There are exceptions where some people have no desire to marry because they are able to remain pure, and God has placed this upon their hearts.)

Christians should not be caught up in worry about how they will find a spouse, how attractive they will be or about their own attractiveness and how that correlates with finding an attractive spouse. That is what the pagans are concerned with. You don't need to worry about these things, they are quite near meaningless in the grand scheme of things. What you should do is place all your trust in God, and have faith that he will provide you with a spouse that you find attractive, because he will. If you find a woman attractive, what does it matter what society thinks?

Furthermore, any girl who would favor physical attractiveness over your heart for God is not worth your time. You should also have the attitude that a godly woman is more important than her looks. My advice for your level of concern for physical looks is this: Do not be extremely picky. It is reasonable to desire someone who is healthy and takes good care of themself. Keeping physically active and healthy yourself is also very reasonable. But when you get to the point of thinking your spouse must have physical traits 1, 2 and 3, it has gone too far. I think we all give physical looks a bit too much emphasis, myself included.

Seek God above all. And when you're searching for a spouse, search for a godly woman. That is what you should be looking for, not preoccupation with physical attractiveness. I think God will provide all the attraction you'll ever need.


Anyway, hope this helps you in some way.
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Theonymic

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PostSubject: Re: Physical attraction to females   Mon Nov 02, 2009 8:27 am

metalgrinch wrote:
I'm no Tom Cruise myself
Neither am I, but look at who I ended up with! And she thinks I'm handsome, rofl. Trust me, when you start to actually get to know someone you could stand to be with, you start to see things from a completely new point of view. I was where you are once....I'd say to do what I did. "Lord, make me the best husband and father; the one that my wife and kids will need me to be."
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metalgrinch

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PostSubject: Re: Physical attraction to females   Mon Nov 02, 2009 7:20 pm

she HAS to have flaws Theo, she has to tongue

The last point you make is correct, it's all about not expecting God to work for you, and humility. This one passage in Kings is extremely significant in regards to this and all things we want:

10 The Lord was pleased that Solomon had asked for this. 11 So God said to him, "Since you have asked for this and not for long life or wealth for yourself, nor have asked for the death of your enemies but for discernment in administering justice, 12 I will do what you have asked. I will give you a wise and discerning heart, so that there will never have been anyone like you, nor will there ever be. 13 Moreover, I will give you what you have not asked for—both riches and honor—so that in your lifetime you will have no equal among kings. 14 And if you walk in my ways and obey my statutes and commands as David your father did, I will give you a long life." 15 Then Solomon awoke—and he realized it had been a dream.

-1 Kings 3:10-15

If I go and ask God "give me a really hot girl so I can be very sexually satisfied etc etc" I don't think He will respond too well to that... but if I don't make it such a priority, and ask God what I know HE would want me to have, He may grant me my heart's desire, which is, well, there you go.
It's all about getting your heart in the right place.
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Theonymic

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PostSubject: Re: Physical attraction to females   Mon Nov 02, 2009 9:01 pm

metalgrinch wrote:
she HAS to have flaws Theo, she has to tongue

Well, she doesn't like Meshuggah.
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metalgrinch

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PostSubject: Re: Physical attraction to females   Mon Nov 02, 2009 9:05 pm

That's a quality Razz
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Theonymic

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PostSubject: Re: Physical attraction to females   Mon Nov 02, 2009 9:11 pm

WRONG!
But I love her anyway.
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PostSubject: Re: Physical attraction to females   Sat Nov 07, 2009 9:57 pm

Go somewhere where there are no women for a year or so until you learn to appreciate them.

Or just stop being so self-centered
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Kamerad Ash

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PostSubject: Re: Physical attraction to females   Sat Nov 07, 2009 10:38 pm

To quote Oscar Wilde again-

I can resist everything except temptation.


That being said.. i have no problem around them.. cause I am used to being around attractive women.

Plus, once you talk to them.. they often lose alot of that attractiveness.. so maybe you just need to talk to them more ?


lol!
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Mortificationrulez

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PostSubject: Re: Physical attraction to females   Mon Nov 09, 2009 3:34 pm

Kamerad Ash wrote:
To quote Oscar Wilde again-

I can resist everything except temptation.


That being said.. i have no problem around them.. cause I am used to being around attractive women.

Plus, once you talk to them.. they often lose alot of that attractiveness.. so maybe you just need to talk to them more ?


lol!

HAHAHA!! So true, there are girls at my work that I find attractive and what not, but when they open their mouth it's like I'd rather be listening to nails on a chalkboard they are that annoying.

I am attracted to the BBW type, I'm a sucker for a curvy gal. Also the dorky, geeky type, I'm an odd guy I know lol.
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PostSubject: Re: Physical attraction to females   Mon Nov 09, 2009 4:31 pm

LastFirstborn wrote:
Thinking to yourself, 'OMG, what a cutie!' is not a sin.

Well, if you take the Lord's name in vain.... ;-)

Joking.
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ELAN

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PostSubject: Re: Physical attraction to females   Mon Nov 09, 2009 4:33 pm

Kamerad Ash wrote:


That being said.. i have no problem around them.. cause I am used to being around attractive women.
:

You studmuffin, you.
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metalgrinch

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PostSubject: Re: Physical attraction to females   Mon Nov 09, 2009 4:54 pm

Mortificationrulez wrote:

I am attracted to the BBW type, I'm a sucker for a curvy gal. Also the dorky, geeky type, I'm an odd guy I know lol.

Wow, and I thought I was the only one... you're alright MR, I think we should go pick up some hot curvy laydezz sometime lol! dance
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metalgrinch

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PostSubject: Re: Physical attraction to females   Mon Nov 09, 2009 4:57 pm

Coffee_goddess wrote:
Go somewhere where there are no women for a year or so until you learn to appreciate them.

Or just stop being so self-centered

Actually I completely agree with you on this to be honest. Didn't mean to sound offensive, every woman is definitely attractive and appealing in her own way
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Mortificationrulez

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PostSubject: Re: Physical attraction to females   Mon Nov 09, 2009 5:47 pm

metalgrinch wrote:
Mortificationrulez wrote:

I am attracted to the BBW type, I'm a sucker for a curvy gal. Also the dorky, geeky type, I'm an odd guy I know lol.

Wow, and I thought I was the only one... you're alright MR, I think we should go pick up some hot curvy laydezz sometime lol! dance

I'm with ya there bro lol. cheers
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